Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Me singing my favorite Christmas song

This is an amateur recording of me singing Gabriel's Message the 13th of December 2014 :)
I found this carol through my favourite rock band, Marillion. And since then, this has been my favourite carol, and I hope I does it justice.


The Christmas Personalities

Season greetings to you all.

This time of year brings out a lot of feelings in us all, both good and bad. And in the middle of traditions and good memories of a normal Christmas personality, we meet the people who act and look like Christmas threw up on them, and we meet people who would make The Grinch look like Santa. I will make a little Much Ado About Shakespeare list, and try to locate all the different types. If I now, with this entry, push some buttons, well... it's all intentional ;) But good fun :D

1. The Christmas Saint
Starting with the good guys, or so they would want the world to think.
'I just gave to charity, it feels so meaningful this time of year.' And from a person who's giving to charity all year without broadcasting, to pat someone who gives once a year on the back seems a bit over the top. But still, giving to charity once a year, is clearly better than not giving at all. But we all know that they need dinner in July as well as in December, they need shoes in March, they need school all year, they need fresh water and medicine every day when they are thirsty and ill... and there are people in this world who works hard to make this happen every day, not just during Christmas, so don't brag about a single donation.
The Christmas Saint is also the one that will give presents of the type: 'A goat has been given in your name to a tribe in the Amazon jungle, thank you so much for your generosity.' And then you're left feeling guilty for actually wanting a real present, even though you're the one with a monthly donation to Joriel in the Philippines, who support Amnesty International every month, and on SMS, who give a donation to shelters every month, so that two people get a warm meal a day, who gives to MSF every month, to help them fight Ebola, and other threatening pandemies.. and you end up feeling guilty because you haven't done enough, because you didn't give a goat. Don't worry, you have :D And it helps, the goat helps, the dinner donations, the sponsoring of a child in the Philippines...We who live in this part of the world have to help. We cannot be the ones who have so much, and can't give to those who have so little... history will tell us that if they are held down long enough, we'll have a revolution at our hands...understandably so. So let's keep the giving spirit of Christmas alive all year long.

2. The Christmas Junkie
This person has covered every inch of their house in Christmas decorations. They proudly wear their selection of hideous Christmas jumpers - and having said this, I actually think the part with a hideous Christmas jumper is slightly funny. We should all get a bit silly during Christmas, stop taking ourselves too seriously, and be a bit goofy :) However, getting slightly off track here. We were talking about the Christmas junkies :) They send 734 Christmas cards every year. They make costumes for the Church's nativity play. They put up three Christmas trees in November, to really soak up the Christmas feeling...they place Christmas spice in every corner, just to savour that Christmas smell. I just saw a bloke on telly, and in his version of reality... he wakes up to Christmas morning every single day...he has Christmas dinner every day, of each year...he is the founder of the Christmas Junkies, I think....

3. The Christmas Whatever
This is a person who couldn't give a flying "#$% whether it's Christmas or not (but secretly I think they do, the 'whatever' is just a defense. Having said that, they do exist, the people who really doesn't care.). This is a person who will loudly tell people how he or she don't really care about Christmas. How they choose to do something else that Christmas related actions on the days in question. And they will tell you about how silly your choice to celebrate Christmas is, and all you can think about is maybe someone should invite this person to a proper Christmas celebration, and give him or her a good hug :)

4. The Christmas Fury
Now, this is a person with issues, maybe they only got socks from Santa one year, and now he or she takes it out on all other people with an irrational anger towards everything even remotely Christmasy. The Christmas Fury is a person who spends a lot of time hating, and who will not hesitate telling you how much he or she hates, and how he or she is walking the only path of justice and normality... I think we all have tried, and concluded with the fact that arguing with a person like this is like a broken pencil, pointless... Happiness is in many cases a choice, and so is fury...

But I'm going to take the opportunity to be a bit serious here, and mention the one thing that makes me livid during Christmas...and that is adults forgetting how much more important their children's Christmas is than alcohol. Please, keep the alcohol to a minimum, maybe even stay's a couple of days when it means so much to the little ones, and cost you so little to stay away. Think of them first...please.

5. The Christmas Stresser
We all know this person, I'm sure. This is an individual who only see the work and the stress with Christmas, they don't see the good parts. These people let themselves be overwhelmed by how clean and perfect everything has to look, how all the presents have to be expensive enough, how the house has to look perfectly... A little stress to make sure the meal is ready in time, and the important presents are in the house, yes, but to let this be so stressful that when you finally get to the opening of the presents, it is considered 'hell', and that is not good. We live in a part of the world we have so much that we have a mountain under the tree, and opening the presents is stressful, more than cosy.

It doesn't matter to your children if there is a dust bunny or two in the corners (unless your son-like mine-has dust allergy, in which case I have to hoover...), as long as they can spend some quality time with their parents and their family... and by quality time I mean mobile phone free hours with people...looking them in the eye :D
Sorry, don't mean to get on my moral high horse here, I just think that Christmas is a time to really leave technology in a corner, with the dust bunnies, and spend time, talking and interacting with the little ones x

6. The Christmas Chiller
'Chill, Christmas is a long time away still.' he says, and it's early afternoon on Christmas eve (which is the big day in Norway). 'The shops are open for fifteen more minutes, loads of time... These geniuses might present presents of 'I just ordered it online, it's on its way'-kind. Or you get toilet seat covers from the petrol station, or something like that. Obviously, the thought counts, but when there seems to have been no thought whatsoever, then it's a bit annoying.

7. The Christmas Panicer
'Oh my God! Christmas is only four months away and I haven't started buying presents.' 'Or, I bought all the presents four years ago, but now I can't find them.' 'What if they won't like what I got, I have to get some more.'
This person is a Christmas Stresser on speed. The stress has taken over, and the worries about what could go wrong is defining every moment...when you could choose to think about what could go right :) Chill, not too things might need to be in the house before the halls are decked with holly, but chill. Being together is the best thing <3

8. The Christmas Cheapskate
The extreme is always over the top, whether we're talking about the big spender or the Scrooge of the group. And this person is many times also confused with, or actually fused with the Christmas Fury... Though, some times this person is a self satisfying person who has a good reply and a perfectly good reason not to give people a Christmas present, and to some degree we might agree with them. The society is a greedy society, and money definitely talks. But then I suggest getting creative rather than cheap. Because I don't like overspending, but I do like putting thought and care into the things I give my family and friends for Christmas. This means sitting down and creating something, like a painting, or a beautiful Christmas Bauble or knitting a scarf, or something like that.
Creativity, my friends <3

9. The Christmas Snob
The cheapskate's complete opposite. This is a person who, when using crystals on their tree, only uses Swarowski, or diamonds. This becomes a bit sad if this person is one with a normal income, in which case one has to ask, what and to whom are you trying to prove? Come Christmas eve, it's mostly family anyway... And the family, and children, don't care about the expensive baubles on your tree, they care about the fact that there IS a tree :)
I do like fancy and sparkling baubles on my tree... and I will decorate my tree so that it's my kind of beautiful... but I can guarantee you that there will only be ONE swarowski crystal on my tree, a little snowflake :) I'm no snob...ask those who knows me, I need protection from myself, that's how much I spill when I for example eat ;)

10. The Christmas Singer
I am not talking about the bands of high quality that have a few gigs just before Christmas because their friends request them to.
I'm talking about women in tight dresses, showing indecent cleavage, and polished men in suits, standing in churches singing about that little baby in the manger with pathos and seriousness, mentally rubbing their hands with greed from the ticket and CD-sale money...clearly not giving the previously mentioned flying "#$% about Christmas, compassion or sharing, as long as people come to hear them scream the Christmas into existence. I don't think I have to tell you, but this kind of Christmas spirit is one that I have developed a serious allergy against. I could even turn into The Christmas Fury when exposed to this kind of fake culture

I must admit that I on different days could fit into any of the above, but I think, in general, I have quite normal feelings towards Christmas. It has always been a time I really appreciate. But last year I lost someone just before Christmas, and this has made me think.
And the only thing that really matters in this time is to spend it with the people you love. And really spend it with them, not just sit next to them, surfing on each your tablet... Suddenly it's too late... So, that's the only thing I will urge you all to do, from America to Japan, from Norway to Australia, from England to India <3

Happy Christmas, my friends...
Love and light <3

I want to thank Linda Fjeld Nesvåg for the idea for this entry. She's a fellow student, fellow blogger, and most important of all, a very good friend <3

Monday, October 20, 2014

A strange year indeed

Hello my dear readers.

I am terribly sorry for remaining silent for so long. But this is what happens when life gets in the way of all the plans you plan, and all the intentions you indend.

This post will be of the personal kind, and I will take you with me on the wildness of mind, spirit and life that my past year has been.

It started with my fiancé, Pete, getting very ill. He sadly passed away the 20th of December 2013. And for me, a woman in my late thirties, experiencing that kind of loss at this stage in life, and for my son to face death at the age of nine, was and still is surreal. I missed my son's ninth birthday in Norway as I was sitting by Pete's hospital bed in England.
The morning on the day he died, I was in England, but I had a plane taking me back to Norway for Christmas. I had a terrible feeling, but I got on the plane. A part of me is glad I did, because I don't know how I would have coped with the loss had I not been surrounded by my parents, my son and my friends as I got the message of his death by his mother. There is obviously a lot more to the story that I'm not telling you, because it is still very fresh and raw in my memory. But Pete sent me home, so that I wouldn't be alone... He died with my voice on the phone, and his mother by his side.

So how do you cope with the loss of someone you had planned to grow old with?
The answer is that you cope as well as you can.
I couldn't sink completely into the sadness, because I'm a single mum, and my nine year old needed me. But the thing is, my son grew with this. He showed some amazing caring skills, and I wouldn't have made it trough this without him.

But getting through funerals and night terrors the first month is one thing, it is when the world around you start forgetting what you went through, when they expect you to go back to normal (even close family had this expectation), that the true strain of such a loss really comes to the surface. But in that situation I wasn't alone.
One of my friends lost his girlfriend only five days after I lost Pete, and we started talking right away. Because when everyone kept saying they knew what we were going through, he actually did, and could feel my hopeless emptiness, and he could understand better than anyone. It was good to have him.
I also sent myself to a therapist, because I didn't want my son to suffer...I needed to get my life back on track.
But like I said, it's when the everyday hits, you truly feel the emptiness. And I was lost. I had been alone for five years when I met Pete, and I am not good with being alone. So one desperate day in February I fell on my knees and screamed out in agony. I pleaded with Pete to help me, that I can't do this life alone. I said that either he had to come back to me, or he had to send me someone that he chose for me, because I was never good with the finding a mate. And I don't think I have been more serious and meant it more in any prayers I have ever said... It must have worked, because it took Trevor William two days to send me messages that couldn't be misinterpreted... he liked me.
Oh, and Trevor William is the one that lost his girlfriend... Hollywood couldn't have done this better. Because Trevor is the love of my soul. What I don't have, he fulfills, what he doesn't have, I fulfill... and this partnership is the lifelong, eternal even, love I have looked for all the years I have walked this earth.
It might be silly to thank Pete for Trevor, but I choose to believe he heard my cry, and I choose to believe that he chose Trevor for me...because Trevor really is the best man for me.

So, that was the dramatic part of my life. With Trevor I have travelled England in these months, we have seen Tintagel, we have seen Minack Theatre and Land's End, we have seen sublime pre-historic (almost) manmade structures, we have seen the strange roads in Devon, we have walked the streets of London, we have seen Shakespeare plays in Stratford Upon Avon, we have climbed (too) steep hills (too steep for me ;) he is very fit ;) ), and we have spent a lot of time getting to know each other... and sitting in Norway tonight, knowing he is in England at the moment, and knowing it's eight days until I see him again, is almost agony... but it is also a very good feeling. I have found serenity in this amazing man from Leicester. <3 And he's definitely worth the wait <3

As some of you know, I am an author...I mean, just look at the long posts I have ;) and this April my debut novel came out. It is called The Tenth Muse, and is an important story about inspiration, and about how human kind is getting lost in the search for happiness at the mall. I have written the book in both English and Norwegian, and you can get it at the attached link :)
Tomorrow I'm actually going to have a pre-launch for the Norwegian edition, and the reason for this post is that I'm a wee bit nervous. I have been working for my book for so long, and now it's here. I am proud, but I am also...nervous.
And on the 30th I will have my proper Norwegian launch at a book store where I live. And that is when I will see Trevor again, because he will be here with me for that...

I truly am a lucky woman. I have the best son any mother could ask for. And I have the best man any woman could ask for. I am blessed with an over active imagination, and I will keep writing for as long as my thoughts are cohesive and my fingers can dance over the keyboard.
I have been through a lot, and I am still standing. What's more, I will use what I have been through to maybe create a bit of hope for people in similar circumstances.

I am a lucky woman indeed, though I do look forward to a year with a bit less drama, hopefully.
Be inspired, people, and if you have someone you love...tell them today <3

Sunday, June 22, 2014

The Doctor, and fan behaviour

I have watched an iconic British Television show for a while now, and the name of this show is Doctor Who. It is a Television series that had its origin in 1963.
          I was sat in England when they aired the 50th anniversary episode, and the people who were there with me couldn't get a word in if they tried, not that they tried. But sitting there, watching a pivotal episode like that, felt almost like being in The Colosseum, I was suddenly a part of history. So I felt like I had to write something on this brilliant Television experience, and to address the fan behaviour, both within the show and the storyline, as well as fan behaviour and hero adoration on the outside. The actor playing The Doctor becomes a hero, and not just in England, this reaches most of the western world.
          I also feel that this is a work in progress, as I watch more and more, I will get more and more thoughts, and as I do, I will update this post. :) And a little thing, I'm not an expert, and I might say something that's wrong, or maybe I have simply misunderstood, so go easy on me. This post represent my personal opinion :) And obviously I am a fan, so I won't be able to look at this from a completely cold and scientific angle, not that I can brag on being either cold or scientific. However, I will try to remove myself as the fan from this, and look a bit at how this might look for an outsider.

I called the entry The Doctor, and fan behaviour, and the reason for this is that we have a fan mechanism at work on more levels than us as the viewer. I will, however, look at it from a quasi psychoanalytical point of view as well, in terms of some of the villains and their relationship with the doctor. Some of them are more connected to The Doctor than we might think about when we watch the weekly episode (or take seventeen during one sitting on Netflix - which is a reference to addiction and fandom btw).

The Doctor thrives in the limelight, and his companions provide him with the fame he probably deserves, having saved the planet numerous times. Only a selected few know about his existence, and these selected few become addicted to his personality, to him being constantly on the move, and to the excitement and thrills while on the move. We might suggest that they become action junkies, or doctor junkies. And we can certainly draw a line from their behaviour to the fan behaviour we see in for example teenagers and their subject of adoration, I don't want to mention the Beliebers, but I might have to. 
         Another fun fact, and completely irrelevant to this, is the fan base of my favourite band, Marillion, who have very dedicated and loyal fans, but that will be an entry on its own. 
         Getting back to the Doctor. Even though they know The Doctor, and talk to him, they are at his timetable, at his mercy. To summon him is a thing only a few could do. When he wants to contact them, he will, never the other way around (and this is also an interpretation, as both Rose, Martha and Donna manages to summon him. Even Mickey Smith and Donna's grandfather manages to summon him, but in his world he always gets surprised when someone manages to do exactly that, it baffles him. He's in charge, or so he thinks, but he really isn't...he is a madman in a box). His friends will be on the constant lookout for him when he's away, always on alert, always wanting him to come back, mourning him as a dead loved one when he's gone, always wanting him to do just one more before curtain call. I will put in a small spoiler alert, as I probably will spoil some important points, and if you haven't watched it yet, and plan to, then you probably should keep on reading, as I have many good points, but in regards of what happens in the show...maybe not? Though, I suspect you cannot keep away now :) So, spoiler...
          Rose Tyler, for example, cannot stay at home with her mother and her boyfriend, Mickey when The Doctor tempts her with cataclysmic happenings in the universe ten thousand light years away, she chooses The Doctor over the life on earth. And he mother's prediction of her future life, as an old woman sitting on some strange planet somewhere, not remembering who she is or what made her come to that point, is correct in a sense. The only difference is that Rose remains the only one of The Doctor's companions who actually ends up with The Doctor, romantically, the fact that he is a mortal version of his Timelord doppelgänger, is considered technicalities. The real Doctor would, in my opinion, have chosen Rose if he could. But all of the companions end up falling a little bit for The Doctor, even though some of them would never admit to the fact. 

But let's turn this a little bit. The Doctor himself is addicted to his friends. He needs an audience, he cannot simply save the world and not have anyone not know about it. Not even he is that noble. And when he does travel alone, he gets high on power, so he needs an audience for more reasons that just someone to awe, he needs someone to stop him.
The Tenth Doctor's first episode, he says he's a man with no second chances, and at the end of his run (just before the eleventh doctor takes over), he proves this to be right. He becomes clever and dangerous. One cannot change fixed points in time, not even a timelord, but he attempts to do just that, having decided he's the closest thing there is to a God. Power corrupts, even the timelords. Look at The Master, he's fully aware he's above humanity, and instead of trying to protect, he wants to govern. And in the end, the tenth Doctor almost becomes The Master. The only thing he didn't take into account was human nature, and that snaps him out of it. Fan behaviour is well and good, but at one point we see through our heroes, and see them for what they are.
         Even a fan must admit that the first episode in the fourth series is absolutely appalling, and had they continued with episodes of that poor quality, they would have lost even their most loyal fans. So, fans are loyal as long as they get what they want. 

The Daleks are the Doctor’s double, only they are the same. “You would make a good Dalek” (Dalek Kahn) (episode 6 new series 1) The Dalek comes alive because of Rose’s dna, but he says he is contaminated because Rose gave the Dalek human emotions like fear. The Dalek gets an identity crisis. 
        The Doctor also suffers an identity crisis. Who am I, what am I? Doctor Who… This is the biggest question of the whole series, Doctor Who. Even though we get close to an answer, I think, and suspect that not even the Doctor knows. He has been this question for so long, that the question itself has become a part of who he is, and to let go of the question would be to not be the man he has become. In some parts of the future, Doctor means Soldier. In some parts of the future all alien forms fear the Doctor... the only ones who remain blissfully unaware of his existence, are the humans. 
        The Master is the ID, and a very big part of The Doctor. And they are the weapon. That is why the doctor never needs a weapon, because he is the weapon himself. He is a weapon that makes other people do the dirty work. And that can link back to fan behaviour. If someone are admired, people will do what they ask. And sometimes they will perform rather difficult tasks, just because the one they admire asks. This can obviously translate to real life. If a teenager's hero asked him or her to do something that objected to their moral compass, they would still (in some cases) do it, because to keep on someone's good side is more important than technicalities such as morality and wants and likes. Some take advantage of this fact. 

The eleventh Doctor, in the Praise Him, says: “I’m not a hero, I really am just a mad man in a box."
Amy Pond has an almost religious belief in The Doctor, to the point where it’s inhibiting her to properly live. She’s always waiting for The Doctor to save her.
A bit of a foreshadowing (spoiler): The Doctor predicts standing over Amy and Rory’s grave, and he will when they encounter the weeping angels in New York. 

The Doctor will continue to gather fans in front of the TV, in front of screens as such, and people will continue to write about and discuss the science behind it. People will continue to write about a fictional character as if he was real. And having been around for 50 years, he has taken on a life of his own, and I would not be surprised if the blue box appeared in my back yard x

Monday, June 2, 2014

The Tenth Muse

Good early summer to you all...

I have written a book, and it has been published... Now I encourage you all to read it. I think it is a very important story :)

Sunday, May 4, 2014

Sonnett in love

That dreadful day I thought my life would end
I lost a piece of my soul and my heart
Shattered and broken, my soul could not mend
This was the IT, our big death do us part

Then, a nice smile, a 'hi' out of the blue
How can my soul get three halves of a whole?
So strange to acknowledge, could there be two?
This new wonder is a part of my soul

Finding new courage, united and strong
In your wonderful eyes I see love's light
Souls are entwined, we're correcting the wrong
You and me, uncomplicated and right

My soul choose you, it was always us two
My sweet Trevor William, I love you